When your marriage feels like it’s falling apart, give it a fighting chance. It’s worth it, I promise!
I came from a “broken family” and it didn’t fall apart until I was in my late teens. I will never understand the reasons for my parent’s split but I do understand how it can easily feel as though there is no way to fix things between each other. I was there myself and it’s a scary and unsettling feeling. And what I want so badly for couples to know is, you will never find your full potential in your marriage unless you give up your expectations of what you want from your spouse or what you thought your marriage would be. You have to love your significant other so intensely that you set your differences aside and love them for who they are. After all, you chose each other.
After my best friend’s wedding I got a letter in the mail from her. In the letter she referred to me as “A Cheerleader For Love”. I absolutely love this so much! I’ve considered myself a cheerleader or many things (#cheerleaderforlife) but this was a first for me to think about. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic but I’ve also made mistakes and have let my husband down. I have so many flaws and yet my husband still loves me and still chooses me. So, in many ways he’s my Cheerleader For Love! I don’t like seeing other couples struggle so I find myself saying so many times, don’t give up! Don’t get to where I was and let it all fall apart! I promise you, it’s worth it to try!
There are definitely cases where divorce is inevitable. But in the end wouldn’t it be better to look back and know you gave it your all before splitting? I don’t mean just being nice to each other but digging really deep and identify all your problems. Delve into the things that are hard, find where they went wrong and fight your hardest to fix them and forgive one another. It is definitely hard to work through the yucky things. I will never say it is easy. And it is also something we must work at daily.
So here’s my advice to you if you ever feel yourself struggling to keep it all together. But before I do just know, I am not perfect, I am flawed, I still struggle and I’m still a work in progress.
- Breathe. Allow yourself to take a moment to think if what you’re upset about at this very moment is worth fighting about. Take the situation and turn it around to see it from your loved ones perspective.
- Be patient. Maybe your loved one is still a work in progress just like yourself! They are half of the equation and we don’t all do things at the same pace. Give them and yourself time to sort through the muck. Also, give them time to see that you’re trying your hardest. Maybe they aren’t ready to fight as hard as you are. But there is something miraculous in giving it your all. The other half will notice and will want to reciprocate that.
- Be kind. Remember the golden rule. This also goes back to patience. It will test your patience time and time again to breathe and treat each other with soft kind words and actions. But just be nice!
- Be each other’s best friend! Treat your spouse the way you would your dearest friend. Would you end your friendship because you didn’t see eye to eye on everything? Most likely not. You compromise and accept your best friend so why not your spouse?
- Forgiveness. You will both mess up. We’re human! So be quick to forgive one another.
- Respect and Love. One of the best bits of advice I recieved came from another friend of mine when my husband and I were on the rocks. Men need to feel respected and women need to feel loved. But it’s hard to give love when you don’t feel respected and vice versa. Take the first step and don’t stop until you’re on the same page.
- Most important COMMUNICATION! What brought you together in the first place? You had to TALK to each other! You found out what each other’s interests were, you shared your fears, anxieties and what makes you happy. Change happens as we grow and we can’t stop that. So embrace it! Constant communication will keep you finding new things about one another. And in turn will allow you to keep each other up to date on what upsets you and what will keep you both happy.
And above all else, be each other’s Cheerleaders! Cheerleaders don’t quit when their team is losing the game! They keep going until the final buzzer goes off and still welcome their team with uplifting words of encouragement! They do little things constantly behind the scenes to show how much they support the team players and don’t let the losses keep them from showing up! I don’t think my bestie realized how much that phrase impacted me. I hope she’s reading this and will know that she’s as much of a Cheerleader For Love! Being at her wedding with my husband was one of the greatest days we have had in a long time. There is something so incredibly special about seeing two people devote their love and lives to one another and reminding yourself why you chose your spouse in the first place. And as time goes on, you will find new reasons to choose them over and over again.
Don’t Give Up!
Until my next post, have fantastic perfectly imperfect day!
Rebekah Wilson ~ Boymom Belle